The Garden Route, South Africa

After nearly three years in South Africa, it seemed high time I do the Garden Route, a length of road stretching from Mossel Bay to Tsistsikama national park in the Eastern Cape. It’s South Africa’s answer to the California coastal highway or Australia’s Great Ocean Road – gorgeous ocean views on one side of the road, rainforests lining the other. The air feels much fresher down this way and it reminds me how the Vancouverite in me really misses forests.

Our first stop was Mossel Bay, which was… uh…pretty average. It’s on the map because back in the 1400s it was the first place Vasco de Gama, a name you might remember from high school history class, attempted to build a settlement.  There’s a museum complex with remodelled galleon, a few artefacts and a boot statue in the location of South Africa’s very first 15^th century post box which took the form of an old leather boot. The town itself is blue collar and industrial - all in all, not terribly exciting or nice. Half a day sufficing, we drove onwards to Knysna, stopping at little beach hamlets along the way to dip our toes in the very cold Indian Ocean.

Knysna is infinitely nicer and definitely has the feel of an upscale holiday town. The area is comprised of quaint wooden guest houses, many of which dot the forested hillside like little jewels. Here we ate fresh seafood, engaged in some W+ style shopping (me, not Johannes), and checked out the surrounding wildlife parks. There’s an incredible exotic bird sanctuary just outside town with some of the most spectacular - and bizarre - species I have ever seen. There’s also a monkey park, home to many furry, cheeky primates who reminded me of various people I know. My absolute stand out favourite however was the wild elephant sanctuary where orphaned elephants rescued from Chobe in Botswana and Kruger are cared for until old enough for re-release into the wild. Being fanatical about elephants, I decided to spend a small fortune on the opportunity to take one for a walk. Thus I was soon introduced to Miss Thandi, a friendly teenager with long eyelashes and a lot of attitude. Despite the pouring rain, she placed the tip of her trunk in my hand and off we went on a ramble through the woods. Not surprisingly she was a fast walker so I had to hustle to keep pace. She must have thought I was cold because about halfway along she sucked my hand right up inside her trunk. In case you have ever wondered, it’s hot and very steamy in there. At the end of the walk I was able to play with her a little (she tucked my head behind her giant ear), and feed her – once again, my hand was sucked up her trunk like a vacuum. Despite the horrible weather it was a pretty special experience - and yes, wearing a garbage bag as a raincoat was also special but in a different kind of way. Anyway, I really hope there is a particularly gruesome place in hell for the poachers who kill the parents of these elephants and the poor near-extinct rhinos. If there was ever a cause I would encourage people to get behind, it is the flight against illegal poaching.

We really enjoyed our seaside time around Knysna and Plettenburg Bay but decided to check out some alternate scenery for the drive home so we headed inland for the Karoo, South Africa’s desert, and the famous Route 62 drive. First stop was Oudtshoorn, an old Afrikaaner outpost and home to the Cango Caves. I have seen a lot of caves on my globe trekkings and didn`t expect to be impressed. The reality:  I was totally blown away! Imagine kilometres of underground caverns housing the most incredible rock formations. No words, or at least none that I possess, can express how truly mind blowing these caves are.

What other fun did I find traversing the Karoo? Oh, just a little ostrich riding! We stopped at a dusty old ostrich ranch so that I could tick off one more animal experience from my to-do list. Was it one of my prouder moments? No. Was it hysterically fun but kind of terrifying at the same time? Yes! Johannes, out of a mix of fear and pride declined to join me. There were some hazards - for instance apparently ostriches can kill you with their crazy clawed toes. Also, you look ridiculous while riding one. Undaunted by his warnings I, with the help of two assistants, climbed on the back of a very frisky bird with a burlap sack over its head. My legs were tucked under two large, fluffy wings, and my hands were placed at their base. To stay on you must lean back as far as you can and then hold on for dear life. Their back is domed and therefore not that conducive to riding, kind of like how on one humped camels you feel perpetually poised to topple off. Needless to say, once the sack comes off all hell breaks loose and the ostrich goes crazy. I clung on as best I could but lasted only a few minutes before not so gracefully flying off. How was it? Like an African bird rodeo. Would I do it again? Probably not, but it was hysterical while it lasted.

I love the Karoo so much. The rest of the drive wound hundreds of kilometres through lunaresque desert surroundings speckled by the occasional tiny dorpie and sprawling ranches. The landscape, especially the flat top mountains, is spectacular, and frankly the remote feeling of being so far from civilization is really satisfying.